So I know its really late right now, but for some reason I cant go to sleep without my brain being on overload. Random ass things keep popping in my mind that shouldnt be and I cant shake the idea of why. For one thing in particular to keep making appearances in my head mind boggles me. I cant get it out as much as I try to. Resisting the idea to pop into my head only makes it worse and makes me think of it even more. As lame as it sounds, of course its about a boy and I just want it to all fade away and never come back. Any little thing can make it come into my thoughts without me realizing what happened. The whole situation is stupid and Ive told myself over and over again that Im completely fine, but I dont understand why it haunts my thoughts whenever they are not consumed with it. I know Im not lying to myself when I say im over him, but just the whole thing confuses me when it randomly decided to submerge into my subconscious. I feel like its a way of telling myself that Im still thinking about it too much, and that I havent gotten over it. He frustrates me so much and I read somewhere that whenever you say to yourself “I dont care” to make the situation lighter, it means you do. I think a lot of this has to come into play with the fact that all my good friends have boyfriends and seeing them talk about how amazing they are doesnt really help. Of course I am beyond happy for them finding someone that takes amazing care of them, but knowing that I sort of had a thing like that and had it taken from me is an ego bruiser. Im not saying that Im depressed in any way because thats totally not the case at all. I just hope that soon it will happen for me. I just really wish I had a logical reason as to why these things keep consuming my mind. I dont think theres one day that it doesnt occur and I would be thrilled if I could make that happen. As for now Im just going to try my best into forgetting about the whole thing and hope it gets better.
